Precious Prize

Hey guys its Precious again...

I am kinda pissed and upset right now.

And dont really have anyone to talk to about this...

Well for starts my whole family is freaing stupid.

Not one person acts like I am anything important. Expect for my step papaw.

I complete and totally fuckin hate my life and everything about it expect the few friends I have.

And now that is summer I am gonna be stuck with them till school starts back.

Everyone would be so much more happier if I just was never born.

I love my family and stuff but they drive me crazy! And some of them are just about to push me over the end of hate. I just really can't take much more.

I am just so sick and tired of everyone.

I cant remember the last time I've been happy at home or at my freakin dads mom and dad...

They every last one drive me fuckin insane.

I am never good enough,I'll never be good enough,and everything I do it wrong.

Theres no point in even trying anymore.

They get mad becuz "I am hateful" with them. But maybe they should look around and see why...

I mean if they wasnt 24 7 on my back about every single thing it would be diffenrent.

And what kills me with my mamaw and papaw is that you see my brother Marty,

His the best thing thats happened to them since my dad. Nothing Marty can do is wrong.

He calls me names and does what ever he wants when his here and they dont ever bat a eye.

He could muder someone and they would say "Oh baby its ok you didnt do anything wrong."

And what else kills me is there so judgemental both of them!

All my mamaw does is talk about people becuz made there a little different or a different color (which is so freain retarded I could scream!)

All my mamaw does is try to make me feel bad about myself and just feel bad in general.

I just I have so many feeling that I have to carry around.

I mean even if it aint my fault she tries to make me feel like it is.

Everytime I come over her she cries in front of me and tries to make me feel bad.

I am really sick of it all... And I just dont wanna do it anymore...

"Right now I wanted really care if a rapist stole me away" -Destany PeaceRider.

The only people I can even talk to and remotly understand is the people thats met my family from hell.

Things used to be so perfect and wonderful. And now everythings went to pure shit. Sometimes I wonder if the problem really is me...

I just I dont wanna fail back into the depression I was in a about a year or two ago.

I was finally happy and now I feel like none of that matters.

I know I've made me share of mistakes but your not susposed to dwell on them, Your susposed to move on  and forget about it. But My mom and her boyfriend will never let anything go.

And I mean I got in trouble about 3 weeks ago for the same reason I got in trouble a year ago.

I was talking to people on the internet that I didnt know in person. And I mean I know sometimes that can be dangerous. But I am very careful and I know what not to say and when somethings not right with a person.

But they all act like I am still 3 years old.

They just need to understand that I am 15, 3 more years and I'll be a legal adult.

And the day I turn 18 I doubt I'll ever come back to this Hell town.

People thinks its hard growing up in big cities...They should try living in a small town were everyone knows you and everything about you. And you can never have a good job or get away from your damn family without moving far far far away from here.

And thats what I think is best for me. To move far away.

I am just tried of trading my happiness for theres.

I dont want to knock myself out of a good life and I dont want to end up doing something majorly stupid but if things dont change I might end up having to.

Me and Destany talk about how her mom is gonna adopt me and I'll be Precious PeaceRider...

And I just really hope it turns out that way...But dreams are for sleeping not reality.

I just wish things were different.

I feel like my life is never gonna be how I expected it to be.

But then again things never are what they seem.

Everytime I get happy something happens to were I am sad again.

Just like how I am mostly only happy when I with my step papaw,Homer or at Destany's house.

But since the whole internet thing ( which I am not susposed to be on the computer right now or the phone...)

I aint aloud to go to Destany's for a while becuz I called the person I was talking to on her cell phone and becuz I talked to him on her computer...

But her house is not the only house I talked to him at so really it's not fair.

I dont think I am still grounded off the whole internet chaos, but more so the fact that I bought a TracFone so I could talk to the boy. You see I really cared about him.

And he made me very happy becuz he listened to all my problems and cared for me back...

I even tried to explain that to my mom but she made me stop talking to him and toke my tracfone when she found out through one of my other friends phone bill.

It's just like I so sick of everything being took from be and only giving sadness...

I hope this isnt what my whole life is gonna be like...

But guys I have to go to that damn pinic...alone thanks to my mamaw Felicia cant go now becuz mamaw made a sence in the yard and made Felicia's mom take her home and probably got her in trouble and her mad at me... But thats the way things always end up in my life. So it's nothing new.

I really dont wanna go to this damn thing...I wish I was with Destany or Erica having fun like yesterday and not having to deal with all this stupid problems and stressfulness shit.

But I have to go before my mamaw nags at me and starts crying cuz I looked at her wrong or some stupid shit like that. So Goodbye for now. =[ Bye guys

Love ya,

~Precious~

P.S. Hey Destany if you read this call me on my mamaws cell phone PLEASE! I am about to die here ever since we had to get off the phone a second ago...=[ I love you.